I've never written a complaint letter, but I bought this thing and it fucking sucks dick. So as an angry Jew, I took up my divine right to complain about it. Read my complaint letter, I think it will be a good template for you when you want to bitch about shit in hopes to get free shit. Enjoy.
To Whom It May Concern:
Recently, I purchased the Brooklyn Brine Pickling Kit from my local
Whole Foods. A pickle enthusiast myself, I thought this purchase would
lead to hours of pickling enjoyment. When I opened the box at home, it
became clear that my fun idea would become an annoying inconvenience.
To put it in another sense, the kit is misleadingly bare.
1. There is no indication that you will need more than what is in the box.
Okay, I understand it would be impossible to package fresh vegetables in
the kit for numerous reasons. That's why I purchased cucumbers at Whole
Foods along with the kit. However, when I opened the box, the
instructions called for apple cider vinegar, garlic cloves, and dill
sprigs. This was not indicated anywhere on the outside box. Now I
must return to a supermarket and get these items. I'm a fairly busy
person and I don't have time to hunt for uncommon items like apple cider
vinegar and dill sprigs. Who even knows what dill sprigs are? Not this
guy, that's for sure.
It seems pretty clear to me that this issue should be alerted to the
consumer before he purchases your product. Everyone who buys this kit
will have this issue. Everyone.
2. The instructions are lame.
When I purchased Brooklyn Brine Co.'s product, I expected a hearty
instruction booklet, complete with colorful diagrams and recipes on how
to make unique flavor batches like I've come to know and love from the
What was given to me?
A single, flimsy instruction card with only one recipe how to make plain pickles. Boooo-ring.
On Williams-Sonoma.com, the product explanation includes "Recipe Cards (original and alternatives). My kit had no such cards.
If this is a fluke and I got a bad box, my apologies, but I've looked at
other pictures of the kit and there seems to be no recipe cards.
According to Restatement of Contracts, any false representations (the
claim about recipe cards) made to induce the buyer to a purchase (which
it did, because I want to make cool flavas) can be subject to legal
While I'm not that much of a loser to take up legal action, I do think I'm entitled to compensation.
Furthermore, from a business perspective, it's wrong to advertise your
product as having something it doesn't. Also, who would want to make
plain pickles? You're Brooklyn Brine, if you're gonna make a pickling
kit, do it with pride.
Finally, I am not a crazy person. This is the first complaint letter I
have ever written. I'm not a crotchety old lady, but rather, a
22-year-old student who wanted to blow off some steam from Finals Week
by getting his pickle on.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing back from you regarding your intentions to remedy the situation.
Evan J. Krumholz, Esq.