Alienating readers one post at a time

I read an article recently (or made one up for the context of this post) that noted the hormones released by a man when he sees an attractive woman.

Creepily enough, these hormones are remarkably similar to those released by men after interacting with an animal considered "cute".

Therefore, there is now scientific justification for why guys fuck wildlife.

You're probably thinking exactly what I thought when I heard the news:

"Finally...".

Before you click the 'X' and slam your Macbook screen down in disgust, hear me out:

I'm not defending those deviant competitors of the full-contact sport known as bestiality... but it kinda makes sense now.

                                           "I know you want me"

Your friend invites you over to meet his new retriever, Cynthia. Her luscious golden hair bobs as she gallops towards you, flashing a playful grin and a lapping tounge.

Shits beginning to sound hot, isn't it?

I mean, come to think of it, we revere animals for qualities they share with those we wanna bone.

"That girl has legs like a gazelle"
"I wish I was hung like a horse"
"He finger fucked me with the tenderness of a wombat"

Of course, then things go wrong, and you end up skewered like a Boston Market rotisserie chicken: check out The tragic story of Mr. Hands if you don't believe me.

Unfortunately, my mind still wanders....

COULD YOU IMAGINE THE SHEER ORGASMIC DELIGHT THAT CAN ONLY BE ACHIEVED BY A BLOWJOB FROM A DUCK? THEY DON'T HAVE TEETH! IT WOULD BE AMAZING!

But I digress.

Although those of differing phylum can both be aesthetically pleasing, it's probably for the best you only stick your penis or be stuck by members of the same species.