The Brooklyn Brine Pickling Kit complaint

I've never written a complaint letter, but I bought this thing and it fucking sucks dick. So as an angry Jew, I took up my divine right to complain about it. Read my complaint letter, I think it will be a good template for you when you want to bitch about shit in hopes to get free shit. Enjoy.

To Whom It May Concern:

Recently, I purchased the Brooklyn Brine Pickling Kit from my local Whole Foods. A pickle enthusiast myself, I thought this purchase would lead to hours of pickling enjoyment. When I opened the box at home, it became clear that my fun idea would become an annoying inconvenience.

To put it in another sense, the kit is misleadingly bare.

1. There is no indication that you will need more than what is in the box.

Okay, I understand it would be impossible to package fresh vegetables in the kit for numerous reasons. That's why I purchased cucumbers at Whole Foods along with the kit. However, when I opened the box, the instructions called for apple cider vinegar, garlic cloves, and dill sprigs. This was not indicated anywhere on the outside box. Now I must return to a supermarket and get these items. I'm a fairly busy person and I don't have time to hunt for uncommon items like apple cider vinegar and dill sprigs. Who even knows what dill sprigs are? Not this guy, that's for sure.

It seems pretty clear to me that this issue should be alerted to the consumer before he purchases your product. Everyone who buys this kit will have this issue. Everyone.

2. The instructions are lame.

When I purchased Brooklyn Brine Co.'s product, I expected a hearty instruction booklet, complete with colorful diagrams and recipes on how to make unique flavor batches like I've come to know and love from the brand.

What was given to me?

A single, flimsy instruction card with only one recipe how to make plain pickles. Boooo-ring.

On Williams-Sonoma.com, the product explanation includes "Recipe Cards (original and alternatives).  My kit had no such cards.

If this is a fluke and I got a bad box, my apologies, but I've looked at other pictures of the kit and there seems to be no recipe cards.

According to Restatement of Contracts, any false representations (the claim about recipe cards) made to induce the buyer to a purchase (which it did, because I want to make cool flavas) can be subject to legal remedy.

While I'm not that much of a loser to take up legal action, I do think I'm entitled to compensation.

Furthermore, from a business perspective, it's wrong to advertise your product as having something it doesn't. Also, who would want to make plain pickles? You're Brooklyn Brine, if you're gonna make a pickling kit, do it with pride.


Finally, I am not a crazy person. This is the first complaint letter I have ever written. I'm not a crotchety old lady, but rather, a 22-year-old student who wanted to blow off some steam from Finals Week by getting his pickle on.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing back from you regarding your intentions to remedy the situation.

Sincerely,

Evan J. Krumholz, Esq.