THE POCAHONTAS HEADBAND THINGY

Everyday of my existence is a perpetual struggle to ignore the injustices around me.

Though my brow furrows with anguish and my stomach tightens with dread, I know it is sometimes better to leave the battle uncontested.

A jovial classmate brags to me that this weekend he is going rage tits, and I simply smile.

A diminutive Asian woman thrusts herself into the subway car, blocking my exit, and I merely shuffle to an unencumbered outlet.

The guy on the bench press has opted to take a thirty-minute rest before his -2^nd  set,  so I opt for a cardio day. 

BUT THIS SHIT HAS TO GO.

 The Pocahontas Headband Thingy. And I thought the Skinny Arm Pic was a terrible trend

I can’t believe I’ve let this accessory affliction persist has long as I have.   The Pocahontas Headband Thingy that Jappy girls so unabashedly adorn upon their heads is a cancer that must be excised.

In recent years the PHT has become synonymous with pretentious princesses who have desired to radiate an aura of the earthly hippie; by paying $80.00 for a  schmata from Intermix. 

Now, it’s no secret that idiots throughout history have paid high prices for apparel inspired by the various subcultures; Wealthy landowners of Egypt often donned the transparent tunic dresses of the working class, suburban wiggers paid high prices for baggy jeans to emulate the prison garb of gangstas.

BUT THIS RETARDWARE SIMPLY TAKES THE CAKE.

                                            DIE                          DIE                        AYNU

It’s like the most despised current-day clique has teamed up with the most unproductive social group of the 60’s to haunt my dreams.

YOU WANT TO BE A HIPPIE? MOVE OUT OF MANHATTAN, FIND A NICE CARDBOARD BOX IN HAIGHT-ASHBURY, SWAP THE AVICII FOR SOME JANIS JOPILIN, AND REFRAIN FROM SHOWERING IN ANYTHING BESIDES LSD!

FUCK!

Besides the obvious hypocrisy of the Pocahontas Headband Thingy, you gotta admit, it looks pretty silly. You’re not a princess, or Pocahontas. You’re a victim to shitty style. Makes yo forehead look big.

Now Ladies, if this op-ed seems overly harsh, fear not. I too have been a victim to fashion faux pas. Even I once tried the no-prescription, Urkel glasses look. But the goal is to learn from your mistakes, and try and make the world a better place.

Oh, and we gotta do something about Pancreatic Cancer, too.


THE END.