I’m home from school for winter break with one final semester of college looming ahead.
Can you think of anything more soul-crushingly depressing?
The source for my melancholy is the question. It’s asked by old friends I meet up with, curious dentists and prostitutes who don’t know when it's no talk time.
The question in question?
“So, what are you doing after you graduate?”
The inquisition pains me greatly for one reason: I have no fucking clue what I'm doing.
A bunch of my friends, and yours’, act like they do.
But they don’t.
A reality check from your pessimistic pal.
Choice A.
Law School
Fantasy: So you majored in Political Science or English, but you want to make money. It happens. A quick 3 years, you’ll be a CEO or Ari Gold. Perhaps both, cause in the 5th season, he like, starts his own shit. Hey!
Reality: Everyone who majored in Political Science has the exact same idea. They’re popular majors. Also, the desire to make money is an increasingly popular trend among the youth. Weird, right?
So, your dreams of dominating the JD and ascending to dominance might be a far bumpier road than originally thought. Enjoy keeping the faith during your 15th sleepless night of studying for 1L tort class. You think lawyers become soulless, miserable pricks overnight?
Choice B.
Singer/Writer/Photographer/Actor/DJ….
Fantasy: “Listen man, the only way to enjoy life is to do what you have a passion for. Since birth, I knew it was my calling to tell dick jokes in front of a crowd/ make sweet Afrojack remix remixes/ earn zero income”
Reality: Ah, the joys of doing open-mics at the Chuckle Hut every Tuesday night, spinning at Aspen Social Club for 50 bucks an hour and suggesting to everyone on Facebook that they “Like” your Facebook Fan Page. Loathe.
Who knows? One day you might land a guest spot on Law and Order or get a million hits on the YouTube…. And we all promising and reliable those accomplishments are :) .
Don't forget, said activities will most likely occur under the roof and the watchful eye of Mom and Dad.
All of a sudden choice A doesn’t seem so bad, does it?
Choice C.
Finance Guy
Fantasy: Bluetooths and Bentleys, bitches.
Shortin’ stocks, hedgin’ funds, and using derivatives to mitigate losses in your corporate Fantasy Football league. Your Hamptons House will have a Hamptons House.
Reality: Sounds pretty sweet, right? Furthermore, it’s fairly certain you will garner a sizable income. So what’s the downside?
Well, if you have some element of a soul (and you do, because you read my blog!), the overwhelming blandness of trading crude oil futures will probably cause you to spiral into a life of greed and cocaine addiction. Bring on the Ponzi schemes and 8-Balls! Of course, I might only be hating because I have no idea what these guys actually do.
D. The Five (or more) Year Plan
Fantasy: Another year of freedom. Van Wilder-style antics. Plus, freshman love a dude who lives off campus, especially one who is old enough to buy booze (not to mention rent a car from Avis or apply for a credit card without proof of sufficient income to cover credit obligations! Whoo-hoo!)
Reality: Hmm, evading personal responsibility at an age when our grandfathers were tax-paying citizens with two kids, a wife, and a mortgage. Sadly, this sounds like the best option. Is Teach For America still hiring?
