It’s no secret; we live in a sex-obsessed society.
And sex sells.
Businesspeople have been keen on this fact for years.
If something is even remotely titillating, people (see: men with any free time/extra income) will be drawn to it, like moths to the warm glow of the bug zapper.
It’s the reason why they have bikini-clad whores describe technical specifications at car shows.
It’s why the Shake Weight has reached over 40 million in sales.
It’s the logic explaining why I deny friend requests from dudes I’ve known for years, but will readily accept nearly anyone with a vagina if she does a good kissy face in her profile picture.
Even animation is not immune to the power of penile.
Surf any porn site. YouJizz, YouPorn, FreaksofCock.com….There is nearly always a section devoted to animated sex. It normally features young Japanese schoolgirls getting penetrated by the tentacles of grotesque monsters.
Or robots with huge robo-cocks. Sometimes Hello Kitty gets fucked. Go figure.
In fact, I think cartoons are the basis for why we love sex-based anything.
Think about it, animators weren't asexual. I believe that by giving us our first glimpse of sexuality , creepy cartoonists knew they'd have us hooked for years to come
In fact, during my research, (I’m very diligent) I came across multiple subscription websites that feature traditional cartoon characters giving each other the animated business:
Marge sucking Bart’s cock….Aladdin showing Jasmine a Whole New World doggy style….you get the idea
Naturally, I was compelled to draw up my own list of cartoon characters (pun!) that I’ve wanted to fuck, or see fuck, over the years.
5. Jessica Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit)
The gold standard of animation-induced erections and a trailblazer in the fight for inter-species dating. Those ruby red lips, that perfect S-shaped body. Everyone from Katy Perry to Jessica Biel have dressed the crimson vixen to the delight of male onlookers. Rabbit once proclaimed, “I’m not bad…I’m just drawn that way”.
I think I just shot ink all over my canvas.
4. Lois Griffin (Family Guy)
Doting housewife by day, freak in the sheets by night. I’d ignore that blood-curdling accent for just one night with the Queen of Quahog. Also, Lois is no stereotypical wet blanket wife like say, a Marge Simpson. She’s fucked Bill Clinton, Gene Simmons, and prior to Peter, kept a black boyfriend named Jerome.
Loose Lois, indeed.
3. April O’ Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Ace reporter and sole human sympathizer to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
A great rack compressed by that yellow jumpsuit.
Who says pressure is a bad thing?
I like to imagine that on lonely nights she goes down to the sewer and the Heroes in a Half-Shell take turns fucking her behind the stack of pizza boxes.
I often fantasize that Fergie and the black guys in the Black Eyed Peas do the same thing…
Actually, She does do that right?
Is it racist to compare the African-American Eyed Peas to slogan-shouting Turtles?
Whatever.
2. Cheetara (Thundercats)
Damn boy, phat pussy! That’s all I have to say.
And look at those thighs, She’s got that Serena Williams swag.
Purr.
1. Fozzy Bear (The Muppets)
Ok, Ok relax.
1. This blog isn’t just for straight males. It’s 2010, motherfuckers.
2. So what if he’s not exactly a cartoon character, besides, of course, in the Muppet Babies series. And I do not advocate pedophilia, even with joke-telling bears.
But honestly, who hasn’t wanted to cuddle with fuzzy Fozzy! Miss Piggy didn’t know what she was missing. Fuck Kermit! Frogs don’t even have penises!...I think.
Besides, ladies know, it’s not all about looks, you need a man who can make you smile, either with a good knock-knock joke or with his fly fashion sense. The scarfy and the fedora? Waka Waka Waka, bitches...
