College owns high school for a plethora of reasons:
-There are way less classes in a day
-No one cares if you play a sport
- and unless she plans a surprise visit, the chances of my mom walking in on me jerking off are virtually impossible.
However, I believe the most valuable asset that high school lacks, is the diverse social spectrum that college offers . Jocks and nerds are so pedestrian. In college you've got your Middle-Aged Paroled Felon Night-Class Crew, your Lesbian Activist Militia Platoon, and of course, The Random Senegalese Sect that Somehow Decided to Spend Four Years in Bloomington, Indiana.
Even more unique to the college quad are those I like to refer to as Campus Characters. These individuals appear only to exist during class hours, but their memorable features prevail in your memory far more than the average garden variety Jappy girl who you met at the bar last night.
Each college campus has their own characters and I'd love to hear about them all. So leave any submissions under the "Comments" section of this post.
Here are my UMiami Campus Characters:
(Pictures are not actual students, but artistic renderings, enjoy!)
1. The Fairy-Wings Kid
Some people are proud of their alternative sexual preference. Then there are those who break the mold. This dude did so by parading around campus in a Tinkerbell-style fairy costume while obnoxiously belting out Broadway show tunes. Ever try and study in the library after a winged homosexual uninhibitedly serenades you with a butchered version of "Seasons of Love"? And you thought that shit was catchy before!
2. The Prince of Dubai
He holds court outside of the library with his set of sultans, drinking coffee and chain-smoking Camel Blues. See the lime green Mercedes with the Kuwaiti license plates parked behind the Business School? A present from one of his 15 wives.
Likes: Yacht parties, petroleum, disco dancing, American Eagle(very rare where he comes from, very rare). Dislikes: Women's rights, Hillel, alternative energy.
3. Sign Guy
Perhaps the only person in Miami who carries a cardboard sign that does have a message begging you for change or feature a picture of a dead baby and the phrase "No Mas Abortión!". Rather, Sign Guy wears multiple placards around his neck with with self-affirming statements on them like "Don't Worry, Be Happy :)" and " U R AWESOME". Often, you can find him offering free high-fives and hugs in the middle of campus by the food court.
Naturally, I felt inclined to make fun of him. One day I approached Sign Guy and asked him, "So, when you're like having sex, do you wear a sign that says 'OOOOO' and then flip it over when you finish?". He stared at me blankly....and then proceeded to burst into laughter. He hugged me and told me although he is saving sex for marriage, "that was a most humorous joke".
Distraught, I walked away.
Later I found out he spent the summer voulunteering in Haiti. What a dick.