People say this blog is too negative and that I'm overly pessimistic.
I respond to Mom and Dad by saying its not as negative as an inoperable brain tumor with a 97% mortality rate.
Alas there are some things that I enjoy...yes, besides the misfortune of others.
One of them is watching Gangland on The History Channel.
Every week Gangland profiles a notorious street gang, documenting their rise and...well they don't really fall, just a few members get sent to the bing every now and then. Oh, and a few die unnatural deaths. Like being impaled through the mouth and out the anus with a red-hot steel pipe.
From the Aryan Brotherhood to the Zoe Pound (see what I did there), each episode of Gangland is sure to include the following:
1. An ominous introduction from the narrator in which he highlights the uniquely deep and secretive operations of the hooligans being profiled that week.
They get a tad redundant: "This gang deals in drugs and death, specializing in violent tactics, and even profits off narcotics". Always an eye and bowel-opener.
2. An interview from a mysterious current or ex-member of the organization.
The street solider is often adorned with a bandanna around his face, or his mug is straight-up blurred like some cable porn. He always is known by a colorful nickname, something like Spooky, Lil' Sleepy, or Johnny Big Balls. His voice may or not be masked with a deep synthesizer to protect his identity. He will often indulge the audience with the teachings he learned whilst rising in the ranks of his mob. The gems often sound like this; "If you don't sell all that yayo, we gotta fuck you up". The screen will then flash to a translation of some of the cryptic hood jargon just spoke, to clarify for the white people at home: YAYO-COCAINE, FUCK YOU UP- INFLICT HARM ON AN INDIVIDUAL.
8:15 and 4:00 for examples.
Personally I love the show. Thanks to Gangland, I have learned many an intricate handshake and most importantly, which gangs won't appreciate a good Yiddish joke when I eventually get sent to prison.