Contrary to popular belief, I do have some sort of a filter. Unfortunately, it's rather porous and a lot of vile shit tends to seep out. Alas, there are still some things I've always wanted to say/do/penetrate that I have refrained from. Social conventions be damned! But herein lies a brief look at my Obnoxious Bucket List.
1. I want to sit down at a restaurant and request a small plate. I'll place a neat stack of cash on the plate. Then I will fold an sheet of paper horizontally (like you do the first day of 5th grade) labeled YOUR TIP and prop it beside the plate. Throughout the course of the meal, every time something is not to my liking, I will remove some bills. I bet that mahi-mahi ceviche will come out mighty fast, motherfucker.
2.I want to go to a nursing home wearing a large, black hooded robe, holding a scythe and just sit next to residents. (Let's be real, I could never actually do that, no one knows wear to get a scythe!)
4.I wanna get in touch with nature... I'm gonna try wild cherry seltzer
3. When I die, I want to hire someone to maintain my Facebook account. Every now and then this assigned individual would update my Facebook status (Evan is... COLD AND STAGNANT LOL CEMETERY PIX ARE UP!) or poke a friend from beyond the grave. Gotta stay relevant...terrifyingly relevant.
5. I'm gonna join the fight against breast cancer...by punching women in the chest.
