If you live off campus,(like so many of us cool kids do) the library is your only shot at socialization with anyone (besides the 300-lb Barista at Starbucks who may or may not be harboring an unhealthy infatuation with you-memorizing your request for soy milk and drawing unicorns on your cup is never a good sign) during Finals Week.
When Reading Days roll around, The Library truly transforms from the quiet shelter of conscientious undergrads (see:losers) to a massive conglomeration of pseudo-students who have finally decided to utilize their tuition money for something other than free football game tickets.
During the Pre-Finals rush, I get decked for the lib. I wear jeans, cologne, the whole bit...it's like an academic nightclub (For a table reservation, I believe it's a two-textbook minimum.)
So, with all this time spent at 'brary, (Club Richter as we call it here at UMiami), I have devised a list of things to keep the party going between hittin' the books.
5. People claim that horny co-eds use the Stacks for sex, try adding your own twist to the myth.
I like to jerk off behind the printer/copier.
4. Every so often, "accidentally" remove your headphone jack from your laptop..with the volume on high
Nothing rouses people from their study-slumber like Khia's "My Neck, My Back" suddenly blaring through a Macbook.
3. Yell "GUN!!!" and hit the deck*
*Do not actually do this, but if you do, be prepared to explain to authorities how the Kid in the Slayer t-shirt's TI-83 calculator really resembled a Desert Eagle.
2. Study*
*that smut from your ACC301 class's ass in those white stretchy-legging-sweatpants things (daaaaaaaaum!)
1. Take out a book
I mean...I've never heard of anyone removing a book from the library since middle school. I hypothesize that upon this request, the librarian (or specialized literary technician..whatever they are called now)'s head will spontaneously combust. Should be a good break from refreshing Facebook.
