In Kindergarten, we had "snack time" to alleviate the stresses of Duck Duck Goose and finger-painting. Every day around ten, my teacher, Ms. Milmerstadt (points for accuracy!) would wheel in a plastic cart of vanilla cookies and mysterious single serving milk cartons of ambiguous grade and quality. I never enjoyed the state-subsidized substances and snack time became a daily dread (pissing my pants notwithstanding) One Friday, Ms. Milmerstadt gleefully informed us that she had a surprise in store for her lovely students for the following Monday.
I hypothesized a change in snack time food.
It had to be.
My palette had grown so weary of the bland rations we had been served day in and day out.
FUCK!
NEW PUPPETS?!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT NEW PUPPETS! I WANT NEW SNACKS!! I became hysterical, called her a liar and ran out of the room.
That afternoon, I pleaded with my mom to start arming me with Sunny Delight to ease the pain of monotony.
Soon, the whole class followed suit. Lunchables, Dunkaroos, and Capri Sun were brought in brown bags. Trades emerged. I started commerce in the Kindergarten class room!
2 GUSHERS FOR A FRUIT-ROLL UP!
1 POWER RANGER FIGURE FOR POLLY-O!
THIS, MY FRIENDS, WAS A MICROCOSM OF AMERICAN CAPITALISM!
In a fashion that has followed suit to this day, my ingenuity was thwarted.
Milmerstadt decreed that personal snacks were no longer to be brought it.
"It is only fair that everyone has the same choice" she lectured to the a gaggle of teary-eyed five year olds.
Although initially distraught, I now understand her values, why she wanted equality and fairness in her classroom.
One of the poor kids' moms must have complained. Fucking public school.
I ignored this for a week or so, losing my fellow classmates to conformity. It wasn't until a letter was sent home to my parents that I was forced to give up my Sunny D, my golden scepter of freedom (and hierarchy).
I now compensate for this tragic event by bringing Mr. Chow take-out to Lit 402. Take that, Milmerstadt.....and scholarshippers :)
