The Door Holder
This one may apply more to females, or very attractive males that cause heterosexual males to stare blankly in the mirror for hours, before deciding to ignore the thoughts and go to the gym.
You're walking into your dorm, apartment, office, or underground erotic massage parlor at your own leisure:
and there he is...THE DOOR HOLDER
You're about 20 feet away (much like the previous annoyance) and this smug sonofabitch attempts to display some form of faux chivalry and holds the door open for you prior to his exit.
Now, I don't think holding a door open for someone is always vested in self interest- maybe you're carrying grocery bags or a duffle bag full of mexican black tar heroin.
But for the most part, I pessimistically believe this gesture is done as an attempt to display some kind of false integrity or differentiation. Like Chris Rock said, it's just "offering dick"
Why yes, I did open the door for you. I am a gentleman, say, would you like some hard cock to go with this nice act, i have one right here, sugar tits.
My true beef with the door opener is NOW YOU HAVE TO DO THIS AUSTISTIC WALK-RUN TO GET TO RELIEVE THE DOOR HOLDER OF HIS DUTIES
HIS ATTEMPT MAKE YOUR LIFE CONVENIENT HAS JUST BECOME AN INCONVENIENCE
ANYTIME SOMEONE HOLDS A DOOR FOR ME AND I'M FAR AWAY, A PANIC SURGES THROUGH MY BODY LIKE BAD DIARRHEA
This burden to rush to the door because
Hey, he (or she i guess) is waiting for you, you spoiled bastard, you think in the real world people will just hold doors open for you? they won't! WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I HAD TO CARRY BOXES TO FLUSHING FOR MY DAD DURING THE SUMMER! AND THERE WAS NO PAY, IN FACT I PAID HIM!is just something I'd rather not deal with when I go to my busy internship to put Academic Credit on the table for the wife and kids.
Sorry, sometimes my complaining veers off.
In Synopsis, DOOR HOLDING- OK
DOOR HOLDING BECAUSE YOU THINK THIS IS A KEY TO VAGINE (OR COCKNBALLS) IN SOME ARCHAIC SENSE OF MANNERS WHEN IN FACT, IT INCONVENIENCES THE HOLDEE BY CAUSING THEM TO UNNECESSARILY RAISE THEIR WALK TEMPO JUST TO SAY THANK YOU TO YOUR UNDERSERVING ASS- 9/11 WORTHY
If someone slams a door in my face on Monday, I know this blog is worth it.
