I'm actually loving life

In one day I met Artie Lange, was on the radio, and took a shit that despite my most thorough wiping, left nothing in my asshole.

Krumholz History X

So every year since they came from old country, my family has had a yearly gathering to discuss business, news, celebrations, who got bar mitzvah-ed over the past year and so forth

think of it as a family reunion, except without the tacky t-shirts and far more pseudo-jewish mafia implications.

Normally during the "Jacobs Family Society meetings", my cousins and I sit drenched in boredom, awaiting our dismissal.

However, this one was hosted at my house, and my mom tore that shit up.

like the catalina wine mixer

POW!

anyway, my great aunt mary told me a funny little story about my great-great uncle Schmulik

"Schmulik was a baker in Poland...so when he came here he knew nothing but to be a baker, so he got a job in bakery.
One day a man comes in and says "you sold me a challah with a roach in it"
Schmulik asks the man to see the roach and the man gives it to him in a napkin....he looks at at the creature and TAKES A BITE he swallows, and tells the customer "WHAT, SO I BAKED IT SPECIALLY WITH A RAISIN INSIDE, YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME" Oh, Schmulik!!"

I smiled and thought to myself, Schmulik and I would have made a great team.