OH SHIT BRO, 4/20!!!!! FUCKIN KIEF SUPER NOVA BANANA CHOCOLATE KUSH
Contrary to popular belief, I don't do pot. I don't drink really either. But I do snort Zoloft. and that's no lie.
Unlike most youth and the revolutionary-minded I do have serious problems with weed. Honestly. I'm not preaching here. I've smoked pot, I've been around, and I've yet to find any benefit. So, I have my reasons, here are a few:
1. "Yo, so you wanna blaze and chill?"
Loyal female readers (all -4 of y'all):
How many times have you been BBM-ed this awful pick-up line from that douchebag with the square CZ earrings? I'm out trying to have a charming and witty conversation and some cunt walks away cause a dude hit her up to "burn an L" as the kids say, THEY DON'T WANNA BURN AN L, THEY WANNA BURN YOUR VAGINA, WITH THEIR SEARING-HOT SYPHILIS INFESTED PENIS! Kush gets assholes....ass...yeah.
one day this can be you
2. The problem with weed is that it kills the human experience. People often bond strictly over joyful debates of like "is a Roor or Vaporizer is the best way to burn?" or "is Sour Diesel better than Chocolate Schvatzah" or whatever you people smoke. I distinctly recall asking someone if he still kept in touch with a mutual friend.
"I mean yeah we use to blaze together but nah, fuck that kid"
They say weed brings people together.
Weed brings people with no personality or opinions together because they don't have to speak more than a few grunts and giggles. Jesse and Chester can both sit on the couch and laugh because the lamp kind of looks like a penis as they shove Domino's Thin Crust in their mouths, and call that shit friendship. That's not real friendship. That's bullshit predicated on THC.
3. You ever meet someone who is high all the time? Like, all the time? Like, Led Zeppelin t-shirt high? They are often the most self righteous, delusional and hypocritical fucks ever.
"I DON'T DO DRUGS. I JUST SHOVE A BONG UP MY ASSHOLE EVERY FIVE MINUTES AND WATCH MOVIES OVER AND OVER AND CLAIM THAT THE ACTORS/PRODUCERS MUST HAVE BEEN HIGH WHEN THEY THOUGHT OF THEM"
Enjoy your low sperm count and inability to remember where you kept your grinder, asshole.
OH AND BY THE WAY, PINEAPPLE EXPRESS IS THE WORST MOVIE EVER. EVER. IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T GET IT, BECAUSE I DO, AND IT'S NOT FUNNY. HALF BAKED, OVER-RATED.
FUCK 4/20, THE END.
I think I'll stick to just celebrating it as Hitler's Birthday and the anniversary of Columbine Massacre instead :)