I remember I was like 6 years old in Pierce Day Camp. White-velcro-light-up-shoes, Chicago Bulls Jersey down to my ankles, the whole deal..wait..stop..
WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE KID, WHY WERE YOUR T-SHIRTS SO FUCKING LONG??? ISN'T NOT LOOKING LIKE A RETARD WORTH AN EXTRA 15 BUCKS FOR A SIZE MEDIUM AND 1 TEE THE NEXT YEAR???
So it was after lunch (probably PB and J and a Dannon fruit on the bottom yogurt jump-off) and as I rested during the Period In Which You Do So, I made a shocking discovery, or at least I thought I did: In the alphabet song, there is no "N!!!"
AY BEE CEE DEE EE EFF GEE, ACHE EYE JAY KAY EL EM ENO P!!!
WHERE WAS THE N??
I ran around the bunk, spewing my revelation to any first grader not playing Gameboy or experimenting sexually with other boys under towels (ew..but it happened...not with me)
I spouted the song so fast that literally it seemed like N wasn't there
I had an army of my fellow mushroom-cut sporting campers singing my praises and we proudly marched up to our 17-year old counselor, bumping DMX on his Sony Discman....
"HEY ROBBIE, DID YOU KNOW THERE IS NO N IN THE ALPHABET, ABCDEFGHIJ"
"ELL EM EM ENN OH PEE...there is an N, go run and play, jerk-off"
I WAS CRUSHED...my legion of followers dissipated, and I was left alone, again.
No real clear-cut resolution to that piece, just a fond memory of yet another time one of my various rebellions were quelled.
Also when I would kick a soccer ball my sneaker would fly off...