Nothing funnier then when a freestyle rap battle becomes an freestyle punching in the face battle.
1. Dude boasts of his days pushing packs on the street and about how hard (ayo) he is
2. Son invades Dude's personal space
3. Verbal fight becomes physical fight
4. Hilarity ensues
5. Peep it!!
the one that started it all, OH YOU MAD???
go to like 3:45, even more unnecessary, even more REAL SHUN!!
1.09.2009
Welcome- Let the Healing Begin -(THIS IS IN NO WAY A PERSONAL ATTACK ON ANYONE, IF YOUR NAME IS MENTIONED, I LIKE YOU, I DON'T LIKE WHAT MOM CALLS U)
Hey. I’m Evan. I like my name. Evan. Its simple, but not too simple. See it’s not like Michael or Adam. You hear those every like, what, 10 names? I’d say you know only one or two Evans in your life, at least ones you would consider more than Facebook friends.
Regardless, Evan is good name because its not what I think of as HARD name. I fucking hate HARD names. Now, when I say HARD that’s not capitalized because its some kind of acronym or anything; I say this because these names are in fact, HARD FUCKING NAMES. You know these assclowns: the ones with the monosyllabic, ethnically - ambiguous monikers that have seemed to emerge in the last 20 years or so. JAKE, CHAD, BRETT. To me they’re worse than ADOLPH, SADDAM, MADONNA. And as a self-respecting Jew, I’m disgusted when these new-wave designations are juxtaposed with traditional Jewish surnames. JAKE SCHWARTZ! CHAD WEINSTEIN! OH YOU’RE THE FUCKING MAN BRO, PLEASE DON’T THROW YOUR BLACKBERRY AT ME. It fills me with rage, and it should do the same to you. If your name is Chad, I will gladly address your grievances by garroting you with my Nike SB shoelaces. They’re extra thick so it won’t be so abrasive on the throat.
Anyways, I need address this problem at the source. I’m going to Poland motherfucking Spring and seeing why these new mommies and daddies are poisoning my precious water supply. I’m going to sit the parents of these incubi down in one of those classic interrogation rooms with the wooden table and the solitary creaky light swinging back and forth and get to the bottom of this ongoing pandemic. I think I have a general idea as to what their overall defense would be. These Gordon Gecko motherfuckers wanted their offspring to be different and hence, make a difference in the world. And what better way then to adorn him with a name like BRETT! AH YES! YOU CERTAINLY ARE REVOLUTIONAIRES, MR. AND MRS. ASSFUCK, FIRST THERE WAS CHE GUERRA THEN YOU GAVE YOUR KID A SOBRIQUET THAT WILL LOOK EVER SO LOVELY ON HIS INSIDER-TRADING INDICTMENT PAPER.
So the next question is what happens when little Jake grows up and after years of soul-crushing bachelor life, settles down with Jenna (or Cassidy, or Brett (yup, they’ve even used it for girls, those sly bastards)), what names will be in style then? Perhaps it would be even shorter, “this is my son, Be” maybe names will revert to softer, polysyllabic heads: Mortimer, or Augustus. Maybe they’ll pull the George Constanza and go with “ Seven”. Whatever the case may be, I’m sure it make me dry heave until my insides are raw. Also fuck people named Cody.
Regardless, Evan is good name because its not what I think of as HARD name. I fucking hate HARD names. Now, when I say HARD that’s not capitalized because its some kind of acronym or anything; I say this because these names are in fact, HARD FUCKING NAMES. You know these assclowns: the ones with the monosyllabic, ethnically - ambiguous monikers that have seemed to emerge in the last 20 years or so. JAKE, CHAD, BRETT. To me they’re worse than ADOLPH, SADDAM, MADONNA. And as a self-respecting Jew, I’m disgusted when these new-wave designations are juxtaposed with traditional Jewish surnames. JAKE SCHWARTZ! CHAD WEINSTEIN! OH YOU’RE THE FUCKING MAN BRO, PLEASE DON’T THROW YOUR BLACKBERRY AT ME. It fills me with rage, and it should do the same to you. If your name is Chad, I will gladly address your grievances by garroting you with my Nike SB shoelaces. They’re extra thick so it won’t be so abrasive on the throat.
Anyways, I need address this problem at the source. I’m going to Poland motherfucking Spring and seeing why these new mommies and daddies are poisoning my precious water supply. I’m going to sit the parents of these incubi down in one of those classic interrogation rooms with the wooden table and the solitary creaky light swinging back and forth and get to the bottom of this ongoing pandemic. I think I have a general idea as to what their overall defense would be. These Gordon Gecko motherfuckers wanted their offspring to be different and hence, make a difference in the world. And what better way then to adorn him with a name like BRETT! AH YES! YOU CERTAINLY ARE REVOLUTIONAIRES, MR. AND MRS. ASSFUCK, FIRST THERE WAS CHE GUERRA THEN YOU GAVE YOUR KID A SOBRIQUET THAT WILL LOOK EVER SO LOVELY ON HIS INSIDER-TRADING INDICTMENT PAPER.
So the next question is what happens when little Jake grows up and after years of soul-crushing bachelor life, settles down with Jenna (or Cassidy, or Brett (yup, they’ve even used it for girls, those sly bastards)), what names will be in style then? Perhaps it would be even shorter, “this is my son, Be” maybe names will revert to softer, polysyllabic heads: Mortimer, or Augustus. Maybe they’ll pull the George Constanza and go with “ Seven”. Whatever the case may be, I’m sure it make me dry heave until my insides are raw. Also fuck people named Cody.
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