I really don't wanna die.
Like I really, really don't want to.
About half of my daily routine is devoted to researching illnesses, recent famous deaths and symptoms of disease.
My Google history reveals a disturbing vortex of my thoughts:
"How to tell if I have Non-Hotchkins Lymphoma"
"slight burning-like sensation under my skin"
it's fucking nuts. and it is emotionally and mentally draining. I was sick a lot this summer; mentally and physically.
I've come to this completely revolutionary idea:
Every single one of us take this life for granted. Without health, there is nothing. Nothing else is important if you're sick. We don't realize that while we're well.
We're constantly looking forward to the next party, the new money making scheme, and the latest trend.
I want to live, and I want to live in the now.
My biggest fear is that one day I wake up like Adam Sandler in Click and it's all over.
Maybe one day we should say fuck it: Call a relative, go for a walk in a park, maybe the zoo, and put the fucking BlackBerry down. They might not be the most socially acceptable things to do- telling people how much you appreciate them, sitting by the docks, whatever.
but sometimes nothing leads to something: piece of mind.
I think I've gained a lot more insight sitting outside in my backyard this weekend with my parents and dogs then standing on a couch in a club Douche` waiting for a smut to ask me for some free booze.
The insight I gained?
These people and things around me won't last forever.
And neither will I.
Bob Marley has this verse that always kind of stuck with me
Most people think,
Great God will come from the skies,
Take away everything
And make everybody feel high.
But if you know what life is worth,
You will look for yours on earth
I couldn't agree more.
I'm not trying to get heaven
I'm trying to stay here
There was nothing more beautiful than the crunchy green grass tickling my feet as I stared at the purple and tangerine sky go down with the only two people who will always be there for me. Plus, my dog Candy tried to burrow in the ground and it was really funny.
If we could all do that once in awhile, i think we all would understand that the things that we get upset about: getting an 89 on a test, losing an iPod, missing Entourage and ejaculating three minutes in; are not that bad.
this will be the only post i do like this. ever.
I do however, plan on posting for a long, long time. and by posting i mean living. and by living i mean without the aid of some kind of artificial organ or robot body. unless the robot body shot lasers.